I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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