I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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