Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
