Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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