Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just had sex bonerless
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
