i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
