Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
