i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
