oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
