I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
