I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
