Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
