all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
