Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
