her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
