I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
