hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
