Pants 0. Shit 1.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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