My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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