I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
accomplished twins. life is a go
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
