I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
