i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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