My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
