There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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