made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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