I just pynch a tree in the face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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