My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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