my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm home, then i'll come over
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.