the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀