Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today

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  (646): your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today http://tfl.nu/czz0
  Replies (3) Good night (2109) Bad night (4278)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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  (334): nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder. http://tfl.nu/fuyv
  Replies (20) Good night (569) Bad night (5385)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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  (314): i wish starbucks made bloody marys http://tfl.nu/p9ip
  Replies (21) Good night (3921) Bad night (652)
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  (408): View more from California

  and pubic hair rears its ugly head again

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  (408): and pubic hair rears its ugly head again http://tfl.nu/ouhf
  Replies (72) Good night (563) Bad night (3351)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

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  (210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy. http://tfl.nu/fwj0
  Replies (53) Good night (6306) Bad night (967)
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  (760): View more from California

  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

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  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
  Replies (15) Good night (7392) Bad night (776)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?

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  (218): If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air? http://tfl.nu/c5re
  Replies (35) Good night (4773) Bad night (1247)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.

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  (402): he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome. http://tfl.nu/crh1
  Replies (39) Good night (1067) Bad night (5015)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

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  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4317) Bad night (1198)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.

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  (765): So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor. http://tfl.nu/2e0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1394) Bad night (435)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.

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  (907): Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor. http://tfl.nu/kb13
  Replies (5) Good night (627) Bad night (438)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left

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  (412): I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left http://tfl.nu/b3w5
  Replies (12) Good night (405) Bad night (795)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  These people don't understand my stages of drunk

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  (850): These people don't understand my stages of drunk http://tfl.nu/g6eb
  Replies (2) Good night (406) Bad night (193)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.

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  (248): People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves. http://tfl.nu/gb5a
  Replies (2) Good night (274) Bad night (626)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".

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  (570): I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet". http://tfl.nu/7uaq
  Replies (0) Good night (452) Bad night (201)

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