Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
