i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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