Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.