dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting