No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
