She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
