this just has baby written all over it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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