I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
