alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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