So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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