He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This house was built for laser tag.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
