She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
