I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
