I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
