He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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