Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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