He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
