I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
