you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up under a house in Key West
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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