one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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