I think I died a long time ago.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
