you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
