I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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