Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
