Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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