Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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