When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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