I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
