this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
