thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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