I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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