Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
