Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
