Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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