At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
