woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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