I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
