just tell him i said nine months
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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