the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
