they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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