so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
