Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
