So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
