i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
