theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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