oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment