I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.