Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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