i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death