His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"