sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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