I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
