There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
