i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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