So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
