I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
